Part two of my three-part series: Growing Stronger Mentally, Physically and Spiritually. This time, I am covering my physical journey. My relationship with my body has never been great, but I am beginning to realize how amazing my body truly is. My legs carry me from place to place, letting me experience and wonder this beautiful world. My arms give me the ability to embrace the ones I love. My stomach is full from all the food I’ve gotten to try. Everyday I work on building the relationship with my body, and falling in love with the skin I am in.
Not every health journey is the same, but hopefully mine can inspire you and encourage you.
I have never been happy with the way I look. In my mind, my thighs were always too big, my stomach too jiggly. I grew up as a competition dancer, constantly comparing myself to the girls my age who were half my size. I started attributing my weight to my worth at a very young age, and I let that continue to affect me in all aspects of my performing career. As a kid, I never felt that I was good enough. I considered myself the “fat friend,” though I preferred the word “curvy.” In the dance studio, I was always put in the back corner of my dance pieces. When costumes arrived, my friends were trying on their smalls and extra smalls while I had been ordered larges (regardless if they actually fit or not). In reality, I realized I was never as overweight as I thought I was. Being young and impressionable, I took everything to heart. Now, I realize that my weight has no correlation to my worth. However, I did want to make a change. I was eating too much fast food, too much fried food. I realized that I was weak, not as strong as I had the potential to be. I wanted to grow, to take myself out of the shell I had been living in the last 22 years of my life and become someone new. Someone healthy and someone strong.
That was my original goal when I started what I now refer to as “my health journey.” It’s not my weight loss journey, or “how I got skinny.” My goal was to become a stronger, healthier version of myself. I wanted to lift weights, to run. Fun fact, I used to HATE cardio. My biggest fear was that I would marry into a family that participated in Turkey Trots, 5Ks that took place on Thanksgiving Day. Now, I run a 5K every day. I am still amazed at the progress I have made, and again it was not easy.
About a year ago, I decided to make the change and actually follow through. I started cooking more, recognizing ingredients of what was in the food I was putting into my body. I started actually going to the gym and taking workout classes multiple times a week that I enjoyed and kept me motivated. I started at F45 Fitness, and now I attend OrangeTheory. These classes help me feel unstoppable as every time I go I challenge myself in a new way. She is stronger and can endure more than I even realize.
When quarantine hit in March, I was so concerned about my personal health journey. I knew I no longer had my outlet of OrangeTheory, and I will admit to having a fear of losing all the progress that I had made within the last year. Remember when I said hated cardio? March is when this changed. I started running. Starting small, with daily walks for miles on the phone with my loved ones, talking and cherishing the conversations. Eventually, I started getting faster. I started with doing 2.5 miles about 3 days a week. In May, my friends and I committed to “5K a Day in May.” THAT is when things started getting more intense for me. Everyday I ran 3.1 miles, if not more. I started increasing my distance and shortening my time. Before I knew it, a girl who could not run to SAVE HER LIFE was reaching 5 miles a day. Absolute insanity. I still cannot fully comprehend how I did that. But, I did? My current record stands (as of 9.8.20):
Fastest mile: 7:44
Fastest 5K: 26:22
Longest Distance (at one time without stopping): 6.2 miles
Never in my LIFE did I consider myself a runner. Not once. But now, I guess that I... am? I start my day everyday getting outside, feeling the crisp wind in my face and empowered by my body’s capability. Connecting with my body in this way and being active has also helped ease and rest my mind as well, aiding my mental growth along with my physical growth.
In my physical journey, it was all about the exercise, but your input is just as important as your output. If you know me, you know I LOVE food. I am a foodie, always down to try the new spots and experiment with new things. Cheese is my favorite food. One time in college I actually had to prepare a comparison speech for my Public Speaking class where I compared myself to an inanimate object. I compared myself to queso (and yes, I got 100 on that speech). Food was not something I was willing to give up, but rather keep in balance and moderation. I started monitoring my portion sizes, as well as started closely looking as to what I was putting into my body. Being on lock down, I started cooking more. When I was cooking, I was in full control of what exactly I put into my body and how much of it I ate. That changed the game for me. I have two dishes that are my favorite to make: one is a pasta carbonara with gnocchi (thanks to my friend Anna for the recipe and inspiration) and a mushroom cavatappi pasta. Yes, both are pastas and covered with cheese. With my new mindset, I do not “ban” foods for myself. Fad diets and cutting out foods never worked for me in the past. I have learned that it’s all about moderation and portion control. Still have your favorite meals, just instead of eating the entire pot in one sitting, grab a bowl and then you have left-overs for the next couple of days. I broaden my pallet, including fruits and veggies that I LOVE into my daily meals. Again, when I prepare it I know exactly what goes into my dish. I make my dishes so colorful and bright, and I have never had a healthier relationship with the food I put into my body.
Some important notes to take from my journey is that my journey is not the same as yours. What works for me may not work for others. I am speaking from experience. I am also not perfect. I have slip ups. Some days I skip my runs and I eat a bowl of ice cream and a cheeseburger. That is okay. It’s my life, and I am not going to make myself feel guilty about treating myself. I also know my worth, and recognize that my weight and the number on the scale has nothing to do with my worth. Notice how I have not once mentioned how much weight I lost? That’s because it does not matter. The number on a scale does not define you. What matters is how I feel. How I feel myself physically growing stronger, faster and healthier.
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