The final part to my three-tiered goals: Growing Stronger: Mentally, Physically and Spiritually. This is my story, my faith, from the beginning. I grew up in a strong Christian household in the Bible Belt of Alabama. I felt God’s love pouring through my family and into me. I went to church every Sunday and youth group twice a week. I never felt like the “perfect” Christian, though. I mean, who does? In middle school and going into high school, something changed. My church, the place I called my home, was no longer safe. I began to be judged and bullied by the girls I attended youth group with. I would leave Sunday nights feeling meek and weak, rather than feeling empowered by God’s love. I started spacing myself from the church. Why would I actively choose to go somewhere where I was feeling belittled and judged? I poured my heart and soul into other areas of my life and found safe haven there. God was always on my side though, He never left me.
He was with me through my first heartbreak. When I left home for college, He was there. When I spent a semester working at Walt Disney World, He was still there. He was a MAJOR player when I decided to stay in Florida, to transfer to the University of Central Florida and pursue this crazy dream of performing. God has always blessed me, giving me the right opportunities at just the right time. However, I felt far from him. I still did not have a church home; I felt a distance in our relationship. That is something I wanted to change, but I did not quite know where to begin.
First, I found a church. Back in November 2019 I walked through the doors of Lifebridge for the first time and felt an overwhelming amount of love. Lifebridge is a nondenominal church in Windermere, FL, which I loved because I did not feel trapped inside the identification of a denomination. The pastor, Ralph, is incredible as he describes the context of the Bible along with his sermons. Having historical context to stories in the bible helps me so much with understanding, plus I am already a huge history buff. In February of 2020, I made the decision to re-dedicate my life to Christ. It is a decision I am so proud to have made.
During a time full of unknowns, I turned to the one who knows all. I turned to God. His wisdom, His understanding and plan for my life gave me comfort when I needed it most. He is the one who calms the storm, so what do I have to be afraid of?
I reread the book of Philippians every day for about a month. My friends and I started a Bible Study, where we dove into the book and examined it, taking a closer look into each verse. For those less familiar with the book of Philippians, it is a letter written by Paul for the Philippians while he was in Roman prison. The entire letter is full of love and encouragement. The overall message Paul is sending is how to find joy in the worst of circumstances. Joy is felt through God’s love. And Paul, literally sitting in a Roman prison to rot, was full of joy. I am not comparing being isolated in my house to a Roman prison, but in both situations Paul and I were trapped. Stuck in isolation, finding joy through God’s presence. My new friend, Amelia, said something in our bible study that has continually stuck with me. Joy is an emotion. If you’re worried or upset, you can’t just turn on joy. However, rejoicing is an action. Through rejoicing in God’s word, one finds joy. Through the action, you get the feeling.
Something else I have been practicing is simply talking to God more, building our fundamental relationship. I set aside time in my devotional every day, talking to God about everything and anything. Asking Him for wisdom, for strength, for guidance. Praying for the world we live in, for covid, for everyone this affects. I pray for my friends, for my family. I pray for my enemies, and for forgiveness. My heart has been healed, and I know that my sins have been forgiven. During this unknown time, I have shifted my focus to the one that knows all, to the one that loves all. “Behold the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans for hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 is a verse that has gotten me through my toughest times, and that has not changed. God has a plan for my life. He has a plan for YOUR life. It’s a wonderful plan, full of hope. He has plans to prosper you.
When we are weak, we are strong. That is another lesson I have learned throughout all of this. I am weak. At my weakest moments, I lean on Christ’s strength. I cannot do this, I cannot live life, on my own. I need him. I need His strength and His guidance. I am a stubborn person, and sometimes I think I know what I want and what is best for me. Most times, I am wrong. Most times when I start to travel down that path of what I think is best for me without listening to the guidance of God, I suffer. Suffering is a part of life, and a part of being a Christian. When I go down that path, God has a way of letting me know. Sometimes it’s a nudge back on the right track, and sometimes it is a KICK. Most recently for me, it has been a KICK. And while at first that kick was painful, I look back and know that it was for the best. I was on the wrong path, but now I’m back on the right path. Everything little moment of your life is a lesson. Some are positive experiences, some are negative. But I have learned so much about myself, and God’s love for me through everything I have been through. I may not ever fully understand the plan God has for my life, but I trust in Him that it is truly something great.
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